Dustin Ackley is But a Shade

Many of us who are on the internet at this hour (4:52 AM for me) go around sometimes feeling like shabby versions of ourselves, or, worse, like shabby versions of other people. It’s not an idea you can easily put out of your head when you are trying to sleep, nor is it often remedied by a concentrated use of logic, because the mind itself is the location of the error. The solution is to remember a simple piece of information: many other people, even handsome famous people like Dustin Ackley, have felt the same way. Behold this fine defensive effort on the part of Handsome Ackley:

And yet with his wild, figure-defining beard and short, furious steps, Ackley appears the overmatched caveman to Coco Crisp, who offers his own rendition of the play Ackley made above. Here Crisp glides like an ubermensch over the plane of morality. With almost allegorical significance, he must slow himself down at the critical moment, for he had taken himself too far too fast. His leap has an actual apex. His catch is of actual consequence.

Dustin Ackley has lived the sufferings of the many, and he knows what it is to be cast into the morass of imitators. It is unlikely that he will ever lead the league in batting or home runs or stolen bases. But Dustin Ackley made the out, when there was nothing else to do, and he did it in a way that evoked the recollection of another moment, one of surpassing grace, that took place 1000 miles away in space and a half an hour or so in time. If that does not make him or us happy we should go and run and leap ourselves to remember what it feels like.

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